Thinkin' Like a Squirrel Can Make You Nuts

It all started 6 weeks ago. Squirrels chewed a hole in the top of the plastic trash can that holds the birdseed. I covered the hole, they chewed another hole, this time bigger. Some loudmouth told the chipmunks and they started a parade, night and day, to the trash can. I covered the bigger hole, every squirrel and chipmunk in Cheatham County lined up in the night and made plastic mulch out of the remains of the trash can lid.

I'm human...I can outsmart squirrels and chipmunks...yes?

Enter two shiny new metal trash cans with heavy lids that fit snugly and a bungee cord...just for good measure or to add insult to injury...you decide.

The little sunflower crackheads went crazy. Literally making their daily pilgrimage to the site of the previous trash can, only to find themselves cut off from the gravy train. So what did they do you ask? Sat there, barking, staring at the shiny new trash can. Some pulled little squirrel slide rules out of their backpacks and began calculating exactly how much pressure per inch it would take to release said bungee cord and pop the lid to crack heaven.

They went away...for a day. Then they returned, sweaty, nervous, pacing up and down the hand rail outside the dining room window. I'd walk by and they'd just be sitting there, staring into the window, begging me to hook them up. I threw my head back, letting loose the superior laugh of one with opposable thumbs.

Sitting at my desk working away the next morning, I hear a loud THUD and the sound of little squirrel toenails sliding down the window, like nails on a chalkboard. The little bastards were THROWING THEMSELVES AT THE HOUSE!

I carted the little critters off to detox (about the same time as Britney) and life pretty much returned to normal at the retreat center.

or so I thought....