Monday, January 30

Dust off your Lexicon.2

Detritus - tripped on this word reading Maya's blog.

She writes eloquently of her time in India,

"All these things were around me, not enveloping me, but still there, rampant overpopulation, disease and strife, poverty and detritus."

I cherish the writer who drops a word jewel into a sentence and offers no clue as to its meaning. Thank you Maya for sending me to my dictionary and synonym finder. I smiled a crooked smile when listed among the many synonyms for detritus was flotsam and jetsam.

How I do love words.

Definition of Detritus

1 : loose material (as rock fragments or organic particles) that results directly from disintegration2 : a product of disintegration, destruction, or wearing away : DEBRIS

Blogging for the sake of Blogging

Mental numbness, a nasty cold and heightened activity at the Retreat Center have kept me away from Blogdom. Enough time has passed for me to realize I may have fallen into the trap of blogging simply for blogging's sake.

I see the red flag bobbing on the horizon and hear the siren wailing in my head...time to take inventory.

Friday, January 20

Oh Happy Day!

All good Southern folk lift your voices with me in a rousing chorus of Oh Happy Day!
First me...then you:

Oh Happy Day!
(Oh Happy Day!)

Oh Happy Day!
(Oh Happy Day!)

You dont need the words, you can hear the gospel choir welling up in the background. Clap your hands...stomp your feet...twirl 'til you fall to the ground!

My heart is healed. No more more more longing.

Can I get an AMEN?!?

Stunning Star Formation

...I cease to question the Divine when confronted with such beauty
For the curious...visit the APOD website. Deep gratitude to Maya for turning me on to this daily feast.

Thursday, January 19

Soul Food

This book jumped off the shelf at me and said, "have a a while."

Entry for January 19th

When we feel lonely we keep looking for a person or persons who can take our loneliness away. Our lonely hearts cry out, "Please hold me, touch me, speak to me, pay attention to me." But soon we discover that the person we expect to take our loneliness away cannot give us what we ask for. Often that person feels oppressed by our demands and runs away, leaving us in despair.

As long as we approach another person from our loneliness, no mature human relationship can develop. Clinging to one another in loneliness is suffocating and eventually becomes destructive.

For love to be possible we need the courage to create space between us and to trust that this space allows us to dance together.

Tuesday, January 17

Are You...Truly?

Strange things happen on the Ridge with the phones...the infrastructure is pretty vulnerable to weather, phases of the moon, birds on the wire and other mysterious telecommunication maladies.

We have all become accustomed to answering the phone only to find a recorded voice on the other end attempting to sell us something. Today, what occurred has never occurred before and it has me wondering exactly where we are as a society.

When I answered the phone, a woman's recorded voice came on the line and simply said, "I'm sorry." That was it..."I'm sorry" and then silence...not disconnected, but silence. I stood there looking at the receiver, which remained mute, keeping the source of its caller a secret.

I have two thoughts...either there was more to this recorded message and I only received a snippet or we've become so disconnected as a society, there is a service you may subscribe to which will deliver messages you are either too embarrassed or too busy to make yourself.

I'm not sure which explanation is accurate, but can you imagine for a moment what the menu options would be for such a subscriber service?

Monday, January 16

Fair Warning

Note to self: Since you have re-entered the dating scene, it would be wise to trust your instincts when it comes to assessing a person's character. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is for suckers who will find themselves in an awkward position.

Case in point. I met someone on-line, we emailed back and forth, progressed to talking on the phone and had our first "date". Today, this person called and asked if I would act as a personal reference on a job application. I've known them a days! When I pointed this out...the response was..."just tell them you've known me a year." When I said I wouldn't lie, I was hung up on...hung up on! Then I receive a text message stating I'm too "arnry". I guess if "arnry" means I have principles...then call me "arnry."

Note to self: Always trust your instincts...

Thursday, January 12

Scraps of Wisdom.3

Everyone read this aloud:

Being in a relationship is like pouring Miracle Grow on your bullshit.

I have to give you props e...

What To Do?

When is it going to be easier to live without you? I've done everything I'm supposed to:

1. Cried for a month
2. Starting taking anti-depressants so I could stop crying
3. Sought out and joined some social groups to meet new people
4. Posted a personal ad on a website
5. Ate right, exercised, got plenty of sleep
6. Wrote about it
7. Threw plates
8. Had a BodyTalk session and my cards read
9. Took an apple cider vinegar bath
10. Prayed

It's been two months and the crying started again this morning. I thought I was past this stage. I don't know what else to do, so I'm opening it up to the citizens of are smart people...please help me.

Monday, January 9

Chasing Rabbits

I'm out of sorts today...kind of achy and sleepy and bitchy...don't know why. Then, I look over from my desk and Mocha is stretched out on the floor sleeping. Her paws are in constant motion as if she's chasing a rabbit and her nose is twitching....then, sound asleep, she starts wagging her tale, thump, thump, thump. She is one happy dog...I want to be that happy.

Saturday, January 7

Scraps of Wisdom.2

Sitting in a dark movie theater, waiting for Memoirs of a Geisha to start, these words had me clawing in my purse for a pen and something to write on, which wound up being a deposit slip:

Why long for things if they are not meant to be ours.

Friday, January 6

Snow? Yes, Snow!

It has happened at last...snow flurries this morning on the Ridge. I've been expecting it for two days...funny how the body knows these things.

Snow flurries are subtle, silent and best experienced standing still. The tiny flakes tickled my eyelashes as they fell. I held my breath and fought back tears for fear the exhalation of body heat would chase them away.

Walking to the mailbox I noticed the air was different and so very still, save the flurries swirling around me. I imagined myself in the middle of a snowglobe, being gently shaken by the hand of the Divine.

Thursday, January 5

Giveth and Taketh Away

In addition to adding new words to my vocabulary, I intend to extract a few along the way. As writing has become central to my existence, words I commonly used in the work place and in casual conversation suddenly seem crude and/or lacking.

Here is the short list...I welcome your suggestions as well:


Example: What did you get for Christmas?

I mean really, those 3 letters completely annihilate the generous act of giving.


Example: What is it that you want from this experience?

I am forever struggling with whether to use "that" or "which", so I'm eliminating it as an more struggle!

Wednesday, January 4

Feeling A Wee Bit Peckish?

A Dilbert-ism I borrowed from Big Shot Bob's blog:

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons

because to them

you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Do Re Me!

Last night I auditioned to become a member of Nashville In Harmony. If the audition was any indication, I'm going to have a lot of fun singing in this ensemble. What a great way to start the new year, by bringing music back into my life. We start rehearsals soon and our first concert will be in March. I am absolutely over the moon with excitement!

Tuesday, January 3

Dust Off Your Lexicon

The beginning phrase of a poem has been circling in my head. I wrote it down lest I forget (see previous post) and after I saw the words on paper, it occurred to me I should invest in some new words (you'll see why in a moment). I don't mean words you may recall the definition of or how to spell, but words such a part of your vocabulary, the subconscious mind selects them when things, such as the beginnings of poems, start to percolate.

So, here's the catalyst:

Everything is as it is
and nothing is as it should be

and here's the word of the day:

Sagacious (adj.) to perceive keenly, prophetic, shrewd, discerning

p.s. the name of the poem in process is Train Wreck

Scraps of Wisdom

I've picked up the habit of writing words and phrases other people say or that come to me (usually when I'm driving) on scraps of paper.

I heard this in church on Christmas morning:

When mutual love is shared between people, God is reborn again and again.


Monday, January 2

Like a Lion

What has the wind to offer
when it comes barreling in like March
on a January morning?

Without the sap of spring in their veins,
barren, rigid trees
shriek at its pronouncement

Even the brick walk sweats,
straining every muscle to keep order
as gusts taunt the mortar to break free

Only the cedar is supple enough
to be reeled around the meadow
like a maiden swishing her green petticoats

What has the wind to offer
when it comes barreling in like March
on a January morning?

Ask the chimes
as they are whipped into spasms of ecstasy


New Year's Day 2006

Women of great spirit, beauty, humor, compassion, appetites and intelligence were my companions on New Year's Day. We watched Fried Green Tomatoes, laughed and hooted, cried and cringed. We trust each other with our secrets, our heartbreaks, our dreams and our struggles..this group of women in Covenant.

I'm new to the group, as I'm new to just about everything around here. Two of us have had particular disappointments in the relationship arena this year, so it occurred to me, that what would make me feel better and make a good start to the new year was to BREAK SOME PLATES!

We piled in the car at dusk and drove to our chosen location, a craggy rock wall set back from the road. Giggling like school girls, we jumped out and gathered our ammunition...discarded plates, bowls and cups. Two of our companions acted as sentinels and cheerleaders, standing next to the road, sounding the alarm as a car approached.

I threw the first plate and the splattering, clattering, shattering sound it made against the rocks was glorious! For once, I didn't throw like a girl. I reared back and let her rip with all the gusto I could summon from my toes to the top of my head. God, it felt good. At first we took turns, jumping up and down and celebrating each others Tawanda moment. Then we really kicked up the volume by throwing rapid fire together. You should have heard it! I'm telling you, it was better than any therapy session I've ever paid for.

So on New Years Day, have your traditional black-eyed peas and cabbage. When you're through, pass me your plates...I have a new tradition!

Sunday, January 1

Una Morte Bella

if i had but one hour to live,
i would spend it
looking in your eyes

a veil of lashes playing hide and seek over
smoky blue-green irises
a darker halo encircling them
pupils advancing and retreating
as the unspoken passes between us

and when the moment came,
i would brush my cheek against yours
and gently kiss the corners of your mouth
as we share my last breath

if the final hour came tomorrow
or a month from now
or 50 years from now
would you grant this last wish?