Ribbed for Your Driving Pleasure

Driving for hours on end can be mind-numbing, not to mention butt-numbing. I know from first-hand experience because in the last 6 months, I've driven round trip from Tennessee to Texas 4 times. That's 13 hours in the car...one way! Yes, the number you just read is thirteen (greater than 12, less than 14!)

Last Friday, I drove back to Tennessee following my stepdad's funeral. My mind was occuppied, so I was in Arkansas before I knew it...just me and the truckers bopping along 1-30 and I-40 with some choice tunes blaring. Let's see, how can I put this delicately...hell, I was in the midst of a most gratifying sexual fantasy when for some unknown reason, the car drifted onto the shoulder of the interstate and Eureka, Arkansas! did I discover something that's going to change every hot-blooded American woman's driving habits overnight!

What the tires of my car drifted onto are officially called "shoulder rumble strips." They're supposed to alert the driver when you're about to drive off the road by making a high, rumbly noise and sending a vibration through your vehicle. Let me tell you something sisters, the Department of Transportation has done us a tremendous service. This is one government agency I can get behind 100%!

So of course, this discovery led me to thinking the DOT should really flaunt this safety measure in a media blitz that would clog the interstates with thrill-seeking women from coast to coast. I've developed some slogans to help them get started...feel free to add some of your own in comments:

Today's Interstate for Today's Woman...ribbed for your driving pleasure!

or

The Shoulder...it's not just for breakdowns any more!

or

Got Rumble Strips?

So, the next time you're on the interstate, spend a little time drifting on and off the shoulder and you'll reach your desired destination in no time!