Throwing You a Curve Ball

Hormones may be getting the best of me. For the past couple of weeks, I've been stomping around, huffing, puffing, crying and peeing in everyone's Wheaties. At the rate I am consuming pie, it won't be long before I'm moving up a size or two in blue jeans.

So now it's your turn, my stealth readership. I know you're there. I can hear you breathing. I can see your muddy shoe prints on my blog after you've sneaked in during the middle of the night and slipped out through the backdoor without so much as a howdy. BTW, whoever took the last Diet Coke out of the fridge is going to pay...BIG.

We all have a lot on our minds and let's be honest, 1/2 of you stopped reading after the first sentence. I was going to post an articulate, well-researched rant about the state of whatever state we are in as a country right now, but I gotta tell ya, I'm too tired and cranky to put that much work into it, so you're getting bullet points...deal with it.

1. All you conservatives and liberals...shut up, stop stealing each others yard signs and get your ass to your local polling place and vote.

2. If you've already voted, way to go Skippy, but you're not done. Call/text/email, IM/etc... ALL of your friends, relatives, co-workers, bar buddies, neighbors, I mean EVERYONE on your list and encourage them to vote. Don't take NO for an answer and don't let anyone slide with an excuse. Gas up the car and shuttle people to and from the polls if you have to.

3. So what if they are voting for the other guy. We've gotten so damn apathetic and cynical about voting, only 64% of people eligible to vote pulled the lever during the 2004 presidential election. This means 36% of you were sitting on your couch with your hand in a bag of Doritos (or worse) watching TV. I promise you whatever you're watching will be resurrected in reruns, on your TiVo or YouTube. Get up, find your car keys, drive to your polling place and vote.

4. Speaking of voting...let me remind you that you are NOT voting for Obama or McCain. Those are the names you'll see on the ballot, but DO NOT BE FOOLED. You are voting for the political platform of the party supporting the candidate. So....no matter what you think of the choices, when they get into office, everything they do will be driven by the party platform.

Oh, and don't wait until the last minute to read these manifestos, they've got some heft and if you're like me, will need to take a breather now and again for a glass of wine and the throwing of something breakable when you realize what you have/haven't been voting for.

Here's a link to the Democratic Party Platform and here's the Republican. You're welcome.

5. When all is said and done on November 5th, we will still be neighbors. These are folks you will need to turn to in a time of crisis and I'm not talking about a cup of sugar. Learn to talk with (not to) each other on a human level without all the personal attacks and the voice raising and the sign stealing. That's nothing but school yard bully behavior we've learned from watching #43 in the White House and you're better than that, really you are.

I'm going to stop for now because I'm tired and there's still pie to be had. I'm not nearly through, so wipe your feet on the welcome mat the next time you drop by and could you bring a 6 pack of Diet Coke?

Thanks friends.